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    Are you watching that show? The realization that we were actually running late for our respective post-date plans forced us to surface from our deep dive and close out. Afterwards, Tian Jun walked me to the Franklin Street subway station, and right before I headed underground, he pulled me close and kissed me.

    Just like in the movies You see, it's not often my boyfriend and I watch a major studio rom-com or rom-dram starring people who look like either of us playing the role of desirable love interest.

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    Both undateable. Both undesirable.

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    This representation has undoubtedly seeped into the dating realities of black women and Asian men, making it significantly more difficult for us to date compared to our peers. As a black woman living in America, I know exactly what kinds of hopeless headlines Rae is referring to e. Tian Jun and many other Asian men have seen their fair share of news articles, too e.

    There's even a OkayCupid report that confirms Rae's statements, revealing that on the dating website most non-black men rated black women as less attractive than their white, Asian, and Latina peers, while Asian men were rated the least attractive by most non-Asian women.

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    To be clear, I love black love and its radical, revolutionary nature. And I do recognize the complex relationships and histories of racism, discrimination, and bias that exist between black and Asian communities and the subgroups within them. And still neither of those things makes Rae's observations or these statistics any flirting for dummies free true.

    Preference is a word that always comes up when talking about race, dating, and love, and understandably so. Most people have lists of what they want and don't want in a potential partner, so it's easy to point to the personal when it comes to whom we find desirable.

    Yet the gap for black women and Asian men is so HUGE and so pervasive that it's hard to believe this preference or attraction isn't rooted in racial bias. And biases, like preferences, asian guy and white girl dating simply born out of thin air or conceived in utero.

    Kevin Kreider saw this first hand with the demand in the modeling industry but is it true? Top YouTubers, like Timothydelaghetto and KevJumba, have independently made videos imploring Asian American men to stop being cowards, stop assuming and step up.

    Likely, the answers somewhere in the middle. This lady admits it in her blog.

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    My main point is that you can waste your life debating these theories in your head or online and get nothing out of it. I learned this the hard way. Obviously, people are going to prefer those who have similar cultures, tastes, and hobbies. Complaints, excuses, and resentment are a waste of life and a limiter to your potential and behavior. I sometimes need to just snap out of the negativity in my head and from anonymous online users and take a look at reality so see clearly again.

    While it can seem so bad on the Internet, I just have to look around.

    Independent Lens - Do Asian Women Have "White Fever"? - Seeking Asian Female - Video Extra - PBS

    One included a nerdy, overweight, but positive Asian guy with a blonde girlfriend and the other included a lean, more athletic, well-dressed Asian with a dark-haired girlfriend. Both Asian Americans.

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    Both with healthy relationships. It does.

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    If your reaction is that there are less of them — blah, blah, blah, remember what I just said? Think cosplayers, anime lovers, and nerds. A rarity is hard to come by?

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